Do you ever catch yourself talking to yourself? I do it all the time. Often out loud. What so you say? It's all about the language we use that can simply change our mindset. And I don't just mean chat and banter, I also mean the little voices we have inside our heads. Yes we all have them, it doesn't make us crazy, it makes us human. When we have the internal battle of whether or not we should have that brownie, buy those shoes, or make that life leap - those inner voices pip right up. But how often do you truly listen to what they are saying?
I banned 3 F words in my life over the past couple of years - 2 have been easy to banish, one not so much. I try to no longer use the words Fat, Failure or Frustration.
I used to get called fat on the regular - so much so that I was called the DUFF (Designated Ugly FAT Friend). The thought that being fat made me less desirable and worthy so I would be sent out to go fishing for my 'pretty friends'. I now realise that just made them ugly on the inside. What a load of b****cks! Yep I still got fat on my body but I also have hair, freckles, scars - doesn't mean I AM them just that they happen to be there at the moment. So I no longer call myself or anyone fat and if any of my friends call themselves it too they get this lecture.
Failure, to me, is a ridiculous word with a whole bunch of negative connotations. To me there is no such thing as failure/I don't conform with what society says failure is. To me there are only lessons, opportunities and redirections. So you didn't get the promotion you wanted, you didn't pass that exam, you didn't get chosen for the team. So what? That opens the door for something else to ignite your passions. Yeah it sucks, sometimes it hurts, sometimes you feel it was the last option. There is never a last option. We always have the gift of choice - 'failure' just reminds you to choose another way - one that may be more rewarding or suited to you.
Frustration however, that's the tricky one I can't shake. Cool things happen to me everyday because I wake up telling myself that
. Seriously - I say to myself 'let's see what adventures we can get up to today' and I go for it. But I'm impatient. And I can be self judgemental. Sometimes I try and pass the buck and say I don't have the roles I want because no casting director/director/studio will take the risk to cast 'someone like me' - I get frustrated. Then I tell myself 'hush ya nee - go and find the ones that will take the risk. You know you can do it, so do it.' But that's pretty scary and I'm not completely FEARLESS. Yet. So the frustration word keeps ebbing away, it's just taking its time.
Learn to refocus your language; rather than thinking 'I don't want to do that' thinking about what you do want and say 'I love doing this!' It makes all the difference. Rather than thinking 'I don't want to stand in this open call queue for 4 hours' tirn it into 'I love taking my time meeting new people and making new connections'.
What words do you use that you probably shouldn't? That put a downer on your day? Whatever they are write them on a piece of paper - then scratch them out. Feel the satisfaction of removing them from your life. It's not going to be easy but it's going to worthwhile. Talk to yourself how you would talk to your best friend, big yourself up, support yourself, keep the good words flowing and see what difference it makes to your day - just have FUN!