From what seemed like out of no where I had my first panic attack of 2017 this weekend. My life has been incredible this year and only a week ago I was exclaiming how happy was that I thought I was over these insercurity driven, chest pounding, tear inducing turns.
I was at my best mates pre-hen do meet up. Chilling out with awesome women I knew and getting to know ones I didn't, to prep a lively weekend in Benidorm. But as they arrived my legs started to go weak, my vision blurred and my chest started to pound. My bestie took me off as she could see it coming. In her spare room I broke down. It was the first week of the year I hadn't had an audition or job, I had discussed my exes far too much and the girls were all celebrating their slimmingworld successes when I haven't step foot into the gym for over a week. I felt like a really rubbish useless female - that this giant, single, sporadically employed, outsider shouldn't be there.
I knew it was all just noise. Just nonsense. I have had one great job after the other this year. I am surrounded by people who love me and I am beyond excited to be a wifey when he comes whenever that maybe. My diet is spot on and I've taken to walking everywhere I can to up the heart rate. I am living my dream. Yet this little demon likes to pop up whenever I go down south to 'home'.
With that in mind I need to up my defences as from early April all through May I will be down south a lot for wedding season and want to be able to enjoy it - not let the past me come and ruin such a joyful time.
So today begins the Mind/Body/Soul challenge.
Every day for the next 28 days I will ensure I do something that enriches my mind, body and soul. From reading a new book, getting my butt to a circuits class, finding a new empowering meditation, I will encourage myself to remind myself that I am doing just fine!
After 28 days it will become habit. That I will always find the time to mellow my mind and respect my body. Not keep painfully comparing myself to those who are so wildly different. I am challenging myself to create a strong, happier me because I'm already on my way I just need a little boost once in a while.
Come join me and check out my progress on Instagram @LaurenDouglin