fHoly guacamole what a month.
This month has really been about letting go of ego and embracing new people (figuratively not literally). Some people may choose to but I believe you can't go through life alone. Human interaction us vital to the evolution of human existance - gosh that got deep real quick. But its true, I spoke to a world renowned futurist about it. Let me explain.
This summer was rough. Its the first time I momentarily considered walking away from acting. It was because I felt I had no place there, I didn't fit in and with a loving boyf in my life maybe its time to 'settle down'. As I said it was momentarily because the idea of not acting anymore made me feel physically sick that reaffirmed that my purpose is to be a storyteller.
So whilst I waited for the acting job I considered what other jobs could allow me to tell stories. Then one kinda fell in my lap out if my twitter feed. A director I have followed for a while because of his comedy work, posted back in June that they needed someone for a day or two to help with some research. As a grade A nerd I jumped at the chance to learn new skills and learn about new things and loved. Then they called me again and again. Just a day or two here and there then September came around and they offered me a 5 week stint researching 100s of stories for The One Show. That meant I was in an office where not only could I learn about loads of awesome stuff, but write the treatments for them and also chip in here and there on some of their other projects. I was storytelling in a way I never had before and loving it.
And there were respectful and flexible for my acting jobs which I haven't freaked out about this month. I got to a point where I would make sure I was completely off book, new the life story of every one on the creative team, arrived am hour early, cleared my diary for all potential dates and in reality I was basically piling a whole of unnecessary pressure on myself. And telling myself because I had done all that work I DESERVED it. The person who was beat for the role deserved it and me bringing in that attitude to a casting room was so unproductive and possibly cocky. It wasn't me.
So I chilled the fudge out. Allocated time to do what I could in terms of research but made sure I took care of myself first. I allowed myself to have fun in the room knowing that this job was not the be all and end all. And then the work came. Little corporate shoots that were loads of fun, some presenting gigs that upped my new skillset and chances to do comedy. I had shied away from comedy for a while because having been 'the funny fat friend' growing up I associated being funny with being fat and I did not want to be seen as fat. But then I let that ridiculous view point go and began to laugh every day.
I allowed myself to literally go with the flow because of the guidance of those who know me best and I will tell you what I am enjoying life on this rubber ring floating down the lazy river enjoying the view. My relationships have improved as have my career prospects and health. I am creating more time for friends and family rather than 'sorry I cant see you for the first time in a year because I need to spend this entire day on this self tape for a short film that may or may not catapult me into stardom' we hang out. And hanging out is vital! Talking nonsense or discussing spirituality or walking through parks or just watching a junk TV switching off from actor Lauren and being Lauren and friends is wonderfully liberating.
Who knows what's around the corner, I could be cruising for another few months yet but I know connecting with people both inside of work and outside means I am planting seeds in all aspects of my life for the future and you know what, I'm cool with it.